I was so excited for my Amazon delivery. So. Excited.
In fact, I was so excited that I wasn't even bothered by how old it made me sound when I proudly announced that today I was expecting a very exciting delivery of...
A toothpaste dispenser!
You know those little pet peeves people have, of which I seem to have many it would seem, well this week's pet peeve which I could no longer cope with without loosing my mind was toothpaste squeezingness. You know, when people just squeeze the toothpaste tube willy nilly without any regard for the top to bottom way in which it should be squeezed for maximum toothpaste squeezidge.
I was out and about at the time of expected delivery but don't fret pet, for I have an awesome safe place that Mr Amazon Man is supposed to leave my marvellous packages for ultimate safe keeping.
So, imagine my absolute horror when I arrived home and found my beautiful package left propped against my front door for the whole world to see. Not cool Mr Amazon Man, not cool.
Luckily I am so super duper excited that I let this horror slide and take my package inside for the big reveal.
I excitedly open my package and the package box is way smaller than the parcel box, way to go with the saving the planet Amazon.
Then, then it happened.
Pure disappointment engulfed my body as I opened the box to find a naff piece of plastic inside the box.
And that, that was it. No instructions, no, erm, whatever else you would expect to find in the box, just, this flimsy feeling piece of plastic thing. I guess a small part of the disappointment may have been that even though I guess it looks like the picture, it isn't actually what I was wanting. This is more a 'Here ya go, here is just the right amount of toothpaste for you peggys' and less 'stop squeezing the tube wrong and wasting 1000 gallons of toothpaste every day you heathens'.
Side note; as you can see, yes, this is quite a traumatic experience for me
I am so grateful to have had the emotional support of The Lou with me at this sad and disappointing time. I do believed she helped me through it with love and encouragement. Although I do think she was most probably enjoying being involved and having a jolly good nosey at the same time. Luckily this was not my first rodeo so I used her as my glamorous assistant to gather toothpaste and things.
So off she went to grab me a toothpaste to see if we can get this party started and raise the level of disappointment above water level.
Well, I cannot for the life of me figure out how to do something as simple as install toothpaste in to a toothpaste dispenser, but, as previously mentioned there are no instructions, which surely means it is easy peasy lemon squeezy right?
Here I am, mildly stropping and ready to clean it up and put it away out of my sight as I can't stand looking at the disappointment that is it when, a light bulb flickering moment appears in my head.
I went online to see if I can figure it out from the Amazon listing how to work this fandango and it turns out it really should be easy peasy lemon squeezy to work, it just slots in the top. So, why is it it is just not happening?! Scrolling scrolling down I go when deep within the murky depths I find that, it does not fit UK toothpastes.
Well, I may just be being a bit simple here but....how do I know what is and what is not a UK toothpaste?
Off I send my glamorous assistant to gather more toothpaste supplies.
We have 7 people in this house, sometimes 8 so we do actually have quite a ridiculous array of toothpastes knocking around, however, it is really not going well, and none of the little buggars want to fit. I am feeling the saddest of sad right now.
In one final last ditch attempt at redemption we scrape the toothpaste barrel for the rouge naughty little toothpaste that only I like so it stays out of sight, discarded like unloved meat (?! Sorry, I don't know where that came from. Let's move swiftly on shall we?!!) and would you chuffing well believe it. Low and behold and 'I don't be-lieve it' this one, this toothpaste fits the toothpaste dispenser.
Well, isn't that all fine and dandy but I am not the toothpaste squeezing problem!
But, let's take our sunshine where we can and carry on about our little toothpaste dispensing adventure shall we?
It doesn't dispense.
It doesn't flipping dispense. I could cry. I could actually cry. I had such high hopes.
But wait......
Then, in a shock move The Lou persisted with the dispenser pumping action and.....
it does, it actually dispenses toothpaste!!
And I will admit, it was a little bit of an exciting moment.
Then it broke.
And with that endeth our toothpaste dispensing adventure and I guess, a little bit of a review. Ooh, well isn't that a tad exciting?!
TPFN
Kyra x
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