Today has not gone as I expected.
It’s lunch time and the small 3 have been asked to make a picnic style lunch. That effort was interesting in itself but not unusual in this house.
It was once lunch finished and I went in to the kitchen that the day took an unexpected, dark turn… (Not dark really but it really adds the drama right?!)
So in to the kitchen I go when my feet come face to face with…a large puddle of water (so I guess it’s more foot to water?? Hmm). In a house of 2 adults, 5 children and a Bella the first thing you have to do is, the smell test. It’s water so I continue my investigation and discover the under sink area is soaking, flooded…disaster! Boring stuff happens consisting of emptying the cupboard and checking the pipes etc. Nat is quite good at this stuff so I just stand about and assist, which really consists of me standing there while asking if there is anything I can do. It makes me feel better and gives me a defence if accused of not helping.
Then something utterly shocking happened…
I was asked to clean the pipes. Seriously, I was handed a piece of plastic piping and sent to clean it. Shit just got real.
So, like any good independent type woman would, I did as I was told and went off to clean the pipe in the downstairs bathroom. In there is my bathroom cleaning bucket thing. It looks quite posh and sounds quite adulty but, it’s really not..it is pretty though. Aaand in there is my grout cleaning brushes (wow, this is thrilling!), an amazingly useful item I bought from Amazon on one of my ‘I am going to become a real, organised type adult’ shopping sprees.
So here I am, cleaning pipes. And you too can now benefit from my pipe cleaning wisdom with this handy ‘How To’;
Tools Needed: Mucky Pipes Thin grout cleaning brush Sink Water Mobile phone with a camera or similar photo taking device.
Step 1. Put pipes in to the sink. I would really recommend taking pictures of the pipes. They may all look the same and you confidently think if you take some bits apart to give them a real good clean you will easily be able to put them back together but, trust me, your brain is a liar. It likes to test you in an evil attempt to make you realise how useful it is to your existence.
Step 2. Start placing the ends of the pipe under the running tap.
Step 3. Realise that running water through a pipe that is used to having water run through it is not going to cut it in the cleaning department and have a miraculous moment of memory.
Step 4. Feel like an extreme organised adult when you go to your Bathroom Cleaning Bucket (it deserves the official feelingness of capitals) and take out your grout cleaning brush.
Step 5. Clean the pipes with the brush and try not to recoil at the yuck that is coming out.
Step 6. Realise you are having your own little running commentary and might as well take pictures of what is happening, hey, it might work as a blog.
Side Note: You become fully aware how weird and sad it is that you are taking pictures of mucky pipes but you are actually enjoying yourself so that negative little devil on your shoulder can just fudge off
Side Side Note: If Nat walks in now and sees you taking pictures of pipes while she is trying to sort out the flooding she will actually kill you, with just a look most likely.
Step 7. Be greeted by more pipes, lots more pipes. Repeat Steps 1 & 5.
Step 8. Now this is where your genius of Step 1 really helps (the photo bit, not the sink bit, although, that is also highly recommended). Realise that actually, these big pipes won’t fit under the tap while having the water pouring out end in the sink so carefully unscrew the pipes apart.
Step 8.5. The feeling of being a real life independent adult greatans
Step 9. Repeat Step 5, and really get in to the spirit of giving them a really good scrub while intermittently running them under the tap.
Step 10. Bask in the glory of your cleaned pipes
CURVE BALL! Autumn comes in with the silicone putting on gun devise thing. I’ve been ask to pump it to make it work. Pump devise but nothing is happening… Pump it some more, because, you know.. Take the nozzle bit off and see that the gunk is coming out. Realise that the nozzle is blocked. Proceed to use actual genius to unblock nozzle. (Using a cotton wool bud, then a tooth pick, then another cotton wool bud, in case you were wondering)
Step 11. Put your pipes back together feeling very smart that you took pictures
Step 12. Fuck. Bollockos. Realise that you didn’t take a picture of the last, very large pipe and can’t quite remember where the last bit of the pipe went. Try and enter memory bank and have faint recollection of where it went. Pray and hope for the best. Nat will know how to put it back together, right?!
So there you have a lovely DIY guide to cleaning your pipes you lucky bunch, but the story does not end there….
I have been sending the cleaned pipes back in to the kitchen via the small people. So, quite honestly, expect the under sink area to be mostly looking, well, under sink area like if I’m honestly. Well, long story short. There I am, under the sink, yes, me putting pipes back together. How, I hear you cry? Well…remember the genius of Step 1 in our pipe cleaning guide, I only did the same when we started taking the sink apart!! God I’m good!
The original pipework. Notice not all the pipes are there? That’s because Nat doesn’t share my genius
Here I am, chuffing well proud that I have managed the jigsaw that is the pipes when Nat, the negative Nancy, points out the don’t look quite straight and right… How picky!
So there she goes, messing with my pipes, and really, just using my genius to actually, and finally, fix the bloody sink.
Aand, it’s done
3 hours of our Saturday gone. And now, I’ve shared the joy with you lot. You’re Welcome.
TPFN - Toodle Pip For Now
Kyra x
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