Homeschooling was created by the Devil

I love my children. I know, I know, this seems a weirdly obvious thing to start a post with and it doesn't really need saying but it seems a good starting point so I am going to go with that. Let's just remember that, deal? So yes, I do love my children but, now how do I say this... Homeschooling them is like a new form of torture created in the depths of hell by the devil himself and brought here to punish me for some obviously terrible things I have done in a previous life, because it is quite obvious, the devil hates my bones. You may think that is dramatic, but trust me,

It.

Is.

Not. We have the boy and the girl at home. They went to school for a whole 2 days before their classes were shut for 9 days. I got the email while filming on a Saturday, and pretty much nearly cried.

Again, sounds dramatic?! There is a reason I haven't blogged as much as I liked during lockdown times, and the reason for that dearest Chumlins is because homeschooling sucked all joy and humour from the inner most parts of my body and strangled it. So, yeah. Anyhoo, we are back to homeschooling the two little precious darlings who basically, do not want to learn. They are a bit like a tag team in terms of who is going to crack on with work today and who is going to push at my sanity to the point of breaking. I am sat here and the work just keeps on coming. I could cry, honestly, and it's not even my work. I'm not a genius or anything but I was always fairly academic, but it's been a while ya know! So I am having to try and reteach myself the topics so I can teach them and answers questions. And don't forget, with things like maths the way they do things are completely different to when we did it....you wouldn't think it would matter would you, but it does, oh it really does. Unless of course you want the conversation of; "Mrs/Mr teacher person says that isn't the way you do it, you have to do it this way...." and you are basically too old to understand and the worst person in the world for teaching them this way. I do not want that conversation, not again, please no. So instead I teach myself that 2 + 2 = 4 is wrong and you in fact have to times 2 by 100, then times the other 2 by 7, and then make that answer times by the power of 2 and divide it all by 99.

Side note; I have probably put the most effort I have ever put in to a blog post with this answer...it really does work out correct!

2 x 100 = 200 2 x 7 = 14 14 (how do you do a little 2? I don't know...) to the power of 2 = 196 200 +196 = 396 396 / 99 = 4 BOOM!

My head is hurting, and not just because of that epic little maths trick I just did. We are now on to energy stores and energy systems. I give it a quick research. How many types of energy stores are there I hear you ask? 8. There are 8 types! And I have very little time to learn them in between helping with business studies. I have never felt so thick in my entire life as I do right now. And now I have got the giggles. I am just sat here trying to stifle (oo, good word!) my giggles so as not to interrupt the class, I am a serious teacher type person now you know. The girl is giving me devil eyes which just makes the giggling worse. Tears are forming in my eyes so I am struggling to see the energy which I am supposed to be learning.

Side note; before I know it, this is another little live blog type thing...

And when Nat brings over some more work I can't help but erupt in to fits of laughter. That's it. I have officially lost it. And I think I'm allergic to tears too 'cos my eyes are stinging like billy-o

Nat is very good at this though. I am now completely engaged in business studies, minus the giggling and everything. The learning of the next topic has gone out of the window, as has the typing....this is really interesting....Market segmentation. We have writing and diagrams and the boy seems to be engaged and answering and everything.

We now have a knife on the table... It's not as scary as it sounds, I haven't cracked. Nat is using it to discuss different marketing techniques for different items. The knife is for a chef, a baker would need a different knife you know...

Distracted Side Note; I have a hole in my lockdown joggers...well, then, surely we can't be going back in to lockdown, this is obviously a sign. Yes, I have lockdown joggers. Don't judge. They are comfy and means I don't ruin nice clothes. And the small Boo named them that the other day and all shame has left me now so yes, I am in lockdown joggers. Wow, longest side note ever, lets continue...

So, the boy has just looked up segment in the dictionary, and it has referred to segments of an orange, so... Off we go to the kitchen to get oranges. This is so flipping interesting and also genius teaching skills happening here. We have oranges, one is cut in to segments and the different segments are things like age, occupation, location, cost...

Well, I suddenly realise that the girl is not being helped at all as I am joining in the business class, oops! By the time I come back the orange is nearly whole, and there is only one segment left. Well, I am constructing blog notes in my head and so kinda zoned out on the orange pieces and then....

There was a quiz; What is the final segment for? What haven't we mentioned. And Nat is looking at me for the answer. Oh poop. Erm, I don't know. Just so you know, as I am sure you are dying to find out, it was how to continue to sell for years to come and with that, we have a full orange which represents the full product. It all kind of went down hill from here though. I suddenly felt very sicky and went to the loo, and when I came back.... Well, The boy has hidden the question sheet and is pretending he has done it. He has not. The question that started the whole orange situation and he hasn't answered it. So, let's just say my little live blog went out of the window and it's only now, 3 hours later, that I have been able to come back and type up the final bits. As of now, I am being given devil eyes again as I asked the girl to relook at her work as she could pick a much more exciting character for drama, that evidently makes me evil, the boy is on maths, the adult is also on maths, and we have An Inspector Calls on in the background. It is Monday, they go back on Wednesday. Only a day and a half left. If Wednesday gets cancelled, you will find me hiding in the shed rocking in a corner and clutching a bottle of whiskey. TPFN, Kyra x PS, I do love my children, honestly, I just do not like them very much when it comes to homeschooling. And that is OK. We are parents, not robots, and also, not teachers. Stay strong fellow homeschoolers!