Have I mentioned I like bees? I'm not meaning like, real life buzzing around my head bees, but cute pretend type bees in the form of lights, and rings and things.
I obviously have uber respect for real life bees and wish them no harm, I have watched The Bee Movie you know, I know how amazingly helpful and wonderful they are. Also, honey, yum!
Anyway, I digress and I haven't even started!
So, as I said in my previous blog post, I am on the hunt for a new hobby and sewing is my first stop on my magical mystery hobby hunt train. So, imagine my surprise and wonderment when, while shopping, I come across this beauty;
Look...it's sewing...and a bee!
I start off on my excited little journey with dear old Betty.
Chuff me, I cannot even thread a needle! But I am a grown up independent type so I persist with the attempting of the needle threading. I attempted with the needle threading for 20 minutes. 20 Minutes, until Nat took pity on me and threaded the pesky needle. And, she offered, practically demanded, so I didn't have a choice really, I had to let her do it. I also had to let her do it when the needle unthreaded itself approximately 3 minutes later...
Now, first step was to give Betty a mouth and two eyebrows. Sounds simple enough right?
Wrong. Very wrong.
Do you know I am supposed to make curved lines, tiny curved lines, with a straight line stitch?
AND
The needle needs threading every chuffing time you finish the little curve and start the new one.
Well, that's the case if you are not a genius. Luckily, I am.
What? Who says the inside bits need to be neat? It could be the intestine or something, they aren't neat. Wait, well....nevermind. This beauty took me just....
One hour.
One hour to do two eyebrows and a mouth. We may be here a while. But look how cute and happy she looks!
Then it comes to doing a blanket stitch around the outside.
What the chuff is a blanket stitch?
There are instructions but as far as I am concerned they might as well be in Latin, because they make absolutely no sense to me.
Fear not little Chumlins! For we have Uncle Google, he is sure to be able to help us. Even Uncle Google isn't quite sure how to do a blanket stitch so off UG (that's Uncle Google, btw, we are cool kids now) sends us to Cousin YouTube to see if she can help. Videos are much clearer and we find this lovely lady who is super clear on how to do this stitch and off we go. It really is quite easy and therapeutic when you get started. I'm feeling quite smug and proud of myself really, stitching away like a little sewing genius, in goes the antenna, blanket stitch around it, then the other one.
Oo La La, this is looking goooo.....wait....oh fuck a duck.
We are 75% round dear old Betty with the blanket stitch and...
...she is upside down.
Yes, for the eagle eyed genius people out there, yes, Betty is...upside down. Her head is supposed to be bigger than her body, not the other way round. Oops doesn't seem like a strong enough word right now.
So, not only do I have to unpick the blanket stitch, again, but it also means that poor Betty's eyes and mouth are now on her tummy so they have to go too.
Great. That is 3 hours work down the drain.
Poof. Gone. Joy.
So I start about unpicking my beautiful blanket stitch once more when I have yet another genius plan. If I just unpick a little and take out my antenna, I can still do my straight stitch with Betty still partially made, kinda of like keyhole surgery really. It's bound to be easy enough.
Fool. I am basically an idiot. I swear my keyhole surgery took 90 times longer than just disassembling and then reassembling. I know this because it took me nearly two hours. Two chuffing hours for two eyes and a mouth.
Side note for those eagle eyed little devils; yes, I see you. Yes, the picture above does show a completely disassembled Betty with things on her chest, but, well, basically, I flipped a picture, you know, for comedic effect.
So, anyway, I now have eyes and a mouth, well, if you want to be all pedantic, I now have four eyes and two mouths but, who's counting?! I am doing my blanket stitch, I've done my stuffing, I'm on the final bit of blanket stitch and.... (I'm sorry for this next line, truly I am but...) Fuck. Shit. Bollocks. I forget the bloody antenna!
I did what any sewing professional would do at this point and.... well, I just kind of shoved the antenna in to the gaps and hoped for the best really. I'm on about hour 4 now and, quite honestly, I'm starting to have enough. And again, quite honestly, if there wasn't a room full of people watching me Betty would most likely have had a tragic little accident by now. Alas, I am stubborn and therefore Betty construction continues...
She is done, it just says to glue on her stripes and wings. Now I am a professional sewer person I am pretty sure I should have sewed them but I will do as I am told. Unfortunately, despite homeschooling for ten thousand years and owning around 30 gallons of wet glue stuff all I can find is....a glue stick. The Pritt Stick type.
Sod it. Glue stick it is. I glue the stripes over Betty's extra features on her tummy and the wings to her back, obviously and then put heavy things on top of her for it to set or whatever glue does. Stick! That's the word. It is rather difficult thinking straight when you have a child entourage type thing sat next to you humming and singing while you work. Anyhoo, slight problem. I lost Betty. So, yeah, maybe sewing isn't for me. TPFN, Kyra x
PS, turns out Betty is an easy make for children. We won't mention that little bit of information, deal?
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