An Utterly Shock Move Kind of Bikini Story

So, I wore a bikini. I did not just wear a bikini, in an utterly shock move I wore a bikini...

In Public.

Like, the public with people, with eyes and everything!

Look at that for a shocking introduction to a blog, getting stuck right in there!

Ahem.

Let me begin at the very beginning. Well, maybe not the very beginning, that would take a very long time wouldn’t it my darling little Chumlins?! So we shall begin with the morning when we were getting ready to go to the beach.

I am going to be open and honest with you, for quite a while I have wanted to ‘be able’ to wear a bikini, to have the figure, the body, the build to wear one. However, as my confidence improved, and my brain clearly opened up in to the beautiful ‘fuck it’ life, I came to the realisation that anyone can wear a bikini. Any body is a bikini body as long as you want it to be. There are so many styles out there now that there are bikinis to suit most sizes and figures. You can wear your bikini wild and free looking like a leopard if you wish, hell, a leopard zebra if you like the mismatched look. Live wild and free leobra! Zebpard?! Anyhoo...

The problem with big boobs and a swimming costume is they just kind of squish them down in to a big mass of lumpness that isn’t the most attractive and definitely not two definitive boob like shapes, but bikinis, bikinis lift them high and proud and make them look all actual breast looking rather than a large mass of skin stuff. Which is quite impressive if you think about it because, you know, most big boob girl bras don’t even do that!

However, It is one thing having the realisation that any body can be a bikini body and another entirely actually going out buying one and then, doing the unimaginable; wearing it in public. So, when someone gives you their bikini, well, it takes out one of the scary steps, even if it did take me 2 weeks to just pluck up the courage to try it on, alone, in my bedroom, possibly in low lighting. Ahem. Thanks bikini giver person....no excuses now.

While packing the bags I decide I am going to pack my swimming costume, we are going to the beach after all and there are actual real life people on the beach. However, in a shock plot twist of bravery, I decide to slip the bikini into the bag, there is no harm in taking it after all, it’s not like it’s tonnes worth of fabric or anything. Bikinis are, after all, basically underwear that is socially acceptable to wear outside in public.

So, there we are on the beach, which is just lovely and warm and, did I mention lovely? And some of the family bods are off enjoying the sea when I decide I am going to join them. Not only that, I decide that, I am going to be brave, I am going to put on….. the bikini! Dun Dun Duuun!

Side note; OK, so less brave and more, I thought it would be easier to slip on than the costume. Oh how wrong I was....

Blimey heck. It was not an easy task getting the little devil on. I actually think I have discovered a new sport.

You will need;

Large boobied female, or man I guess if they are of the right size breasticle department and that inclination,

Small tent type thing with no front, obviously,

Busy beach

and a Bikini.

The Aim of the Game;

Attempt at getting said bikini on without flashing the nation and giving most people heart attacks, or hard on's I guess, euw!!!

I managed it anyway so, yay, go me! I win and all that jazz.

But wait.

While I may have had a small spurt of bravery in getting the bikini on, taking off my vest top is an entirely other matter. Well, it’s like being out in your underwear isn’t it?! So I decided that in a semi brave move I will have a potter down to the sea for a paddle with the vest top on covering my belly bits and the chest bits therefore making me feel a little bit more dressed than in the nuddy pants in the public domain.

The walk down to the sea itself was a long and treacherous journey, filled with the rocky path of doom, the slimy and slippery trail of ouch and ick and other similarly perilous tasks, but I somehow managed to make it down to the sea in one piece.

The sea was actually so amazing. I have never seen it so blue and clear, it looks like we are abroad in all the pictures which is pretty damn cool. It is actually so stunning, it made me a little bit speechless, I know, shocking right. Don’t just take my word for it, look at the beauty;

The problem is with the sea being so beautiful, and really not that cold at all, is that you actually enjoy it and go a little deeper than you think you are going to. Also, have I mentioned that I had two small people with me who seemed to want me to go so deep I would probably drown! (aka, beyond knee height).

Also, and I don’t know why but wet clothes on my skin just feels so utterly icky! So, well, in a shocking move of utter incomprehensible bravery, off came the top, and off I went further into the sea. Blimey heck, I am brave. I know. Thank you.

Side note; Don’t forget we all now know these are shark infested waters...

It’s a funny little thing, clothing, the power it has with our minds, and this little item of clothing, well, it left me feeling a little bit empowered playing around in the sea having fun and frolics and all that jazz and not caring what anyone else thought. It even got me thinking deep, intellectual thoughts and everything, I kid you not. Unfortunately I can’t flipping remember any of them so I’m not really sure what I am prattling on about really. Oops,

TPFN

Hehe, I’m joking! See what I did there...I made you think I just gave up on rambling! Oh, the genius. I know I didn’t fool you in the back though, you know me and my rambling ways too well, congratulations, level up!

So there I am playing in the sea, bouncing about and having a good old mess around when horror hit me...the top….it was back up at beach camp. Boo had taken it up with him. So I was, quite literally, stranded, half naked in the sea with a beach full of people between me and clothing.

Oh shit a brick.

All confidence left my body, I want to compare it to like wee trickling out but that is just damn gross so I will not do that. Instead I will say something proper grown up adult writer like, bare with….

Bare with….

All confidence left my body,

OK, a second more….

All confidence left my body, as though with each wave hitting and receding on the sand it took a part of my courage with it. Erm, yeah, well, it’ll do (pig, it’ll do...Babe, you get the reference right?! I can't be the only person who's brain does that, right?!)

However, in another shock move, have you noticed this is a rather largely shock move kinda post, I fight back against the confidence stealing waves and instead opt for a jokey and utterly amazing and hilarious Baywatch and James Bond style moment with The Lou and leave the sea like utter legends, probably.

And you know what? I survived. I didn’t get attacked by flying monkeys, nor did lazer eyes erupt my skin into molten lava, which is obviously, a very good thing. I did however, make it back to beach camp and realise, I didn’t want my damn vest top. I was having too much fun just playing and being all one with the sea and all that. So off we went, my bikini and I, skipping, well, treacherous walking, back to the sea for more fun and games. Oh, and we may possibly have done it wearing scuba goggles….

I hope you appreciate how utterly brave it is putting this picture here, just saying

‘Cos you know what guys, if you can laugh at yourself and have fun, then they can’t get to you. Probably because they know you are utterly amazing, fun, wild and wonderful people. So go out, live free. Your body is your own and no one has the right to judge it. Be happy in who you are, your own skin and your own mind. Smile, it really does brighten your whole appearance. And, if you want to, wear the damn bikini, or mankini - hey there Bob! - and feel a million dollars, because, well, because you bloody well can!

And on that mushy little note,

TPFN,

Kyra x