Shall we do a live blog? We've not done one of those in a while have we. Yes? OK. Lets give it a go.
So, today is a no car day.
Side note; at this point I realise my car does not have a name and feel like a terrible car parent indeed. CeeCee. She is now called CeeCee. Look at that decisiveness right there and I have barely just started this little bloggy right here. Wow. Colour me impressed.
CeeCee is in the garage for a service and brakes check. Well, really she is in the garage because the brakes needed checking which made me finally ring up and sort the overdue service but I personally think that is neither here nor there.
Thanks to everyone's favourite not so friendly neighbourhood life ruining virus, aka covid, the garage is not doing courtesy cars so....I am car free.
I have no car. Or car keys, which feels weird.
Now I think at this point we need a little background. No? Well, you are getting it so fasten your seat belts.
Erm. Well. I have never really been car free. At primary school I was picked up or I walked, same at Upper school. I would always choose to walk over catching the dreaded bus. I don’t know why but those little devils are scary and confusing. It did mean I was a bit of a skinny minny, so that was good....
Basically, I have always had access to a car. I know that probably sounds really uppity and Princess privileged but, that's the scary truth.
Here is the big bad confession.
Do not judge.
Are you ready for it....
At the age of 32 (aha, had to think on that for a second) I don’t really know how to catch a bus....
I've been told to catch a 'buzz. What is a buzz and how do I catch one?!
I caught a train by myself to Manchester once...it didn't go well....
I do now envy those independent little poppets who know how to get about their lives without the hold of cars and shizzle like that. Go them. In fact, go you! I do believe my Chumlins are probably those kick ass independent types.
Anyway, where was I.... (can you tell I have so much time to kill?!)
So, I drop the car at the garage and they send me on my little way. Nat should be with me and we should be having our last child free day before the holidays and possible impending doom of lockdown falls upon us like that murky smog stuff on water in spooky movies, but we have a poorly sick poppet child at home so I am car free and person free.
Well, what the devil do I do with myself? I don't know how long the car will be....
Also, as I am not the most prepared person in the world I do not have a coat.
Or a handbag
Or a brolly for the rain that is falling from the sky.
Or a hair brush
Or foundation
Or socks
Or my own top on
All these things that I keep in my CeeCee shaped handbag so I can make myself human like when I'm running late, which I tend to be a lot at the moment. Well, apart from the top, that was a mistake. It is Nat's top. Oops.
So here I am, wandering the streets lonely as a clud looking like a zombie from the goo lagoon or whatever.
I ask my friends how to catch a bus. I love my friends dearly, but, they were no help in the bus catching department at all. And I'm too cheap for a taxi. No, I am an independent type who can entertain herself without a car. Yes.
Where do I go? What do I do? How do people do this?
I cannot go to my beloved Cake 'Ole. They cannot see me this way. They would probably turn me away so as not to frighten off other customers. (OK, they wouldn't because they are literally the friendliest place in the world and would probably get me a cushion, and a towel, and a foot soak, and probably give me a back massage while singing comforting songs of empowerment as I sip my peppermint tea. Maybe I should have gone there....)
So I head to my only other safe place I know.
Costa.
My shoes are squeaking like billio. And I have a stone in my shoe which for some reason not known to me or the universe I am not stopping to take out. So, yeah. Ouch.
I enter the Broadway shopping centre and....shops are shut? Why are shops shut? What can an independent no car having goo lagoon zombie type do other than wander round shops avoiding mirrors?!
Look how posh I am! I add videos now! It took a thousand years to add so appreciate it with all your bones.
Also, my shoes are squeaking so loud it is genuinely embarrassing. And there is no one near to blame it on. Thanks social distancing.
But then I round the corner (that's a saying right? It must be, it sounds posh. We will stick with it, no time to check when you are live blogging) and I see this....
And the world feels a little brighter.
If only my damn shoes would stop causing such attention!
I'm holding my breath, Costa has to be open?! Please!!
....
....
Feel the suspense as you scroll.
....
Ooo, what is going to happen....
....
Costa is open!!!!
AND they have my old favourite cinnamon spiced latte back!!!
Well, it's cappuccino but they've made it a latte just for me.
Happy days.
So here I am. Sat at a table. On my own, probably for the first time, with my cinnamon spiced latte and my glass of water and I am live blogging on my phone and somehow, it makes me feel a little less alone and a little bit more relaxed.
Who knew.
TPFN,
Basically until something else tragic happens so I can update. Look for the silver linings and all that.
Kyra x
PS, eek, better slow down with my latte! Also, it's a bit scary as now I've finished typing, I don't know what to do!
Also, reading back through I have noticed two things
My phone is rubbish at putting ' in to words like don't and it's
I made so many typo's mainly with the word car?!
I have realised this is a live blog so I shouldn't really be doing PS and PPS, otherwise there will be a lot of Ps and I'm not a fan of Ps....see what I did there?! Ps...peas...get it? Ahem....
So, I think i'll do this....
Oo er, that's a bit sexy and posh isn't it?
Yes. I agree.
So, I uploaded videos...I currently have only uploaded two. Why you ask? Because those two tiny teeny little videos took 20 mins to upload.... 20.
I now have no latte left and I'm pretty sure I'm now the weird girl who sits and mutters at her phone so I think I'm going to have to leave. But where do I go?
Socks! I am going to buy socks. Jake said I should buy good and random stuff. So, I have decided to buy socks. For my feet.
Right, I am leaving the safety of Costa and heading in to the world...wish me luck!!
And as I'm taking this picture....I notice mascara allllllllll around my eyes and sleep in my eyelashes. Joy.
In the 15 minutes since I published this blog a few things have happened....
The doctors rang, so I dashed outside to answer. It was raining wet rain, and it was slippy, we will say no more. Also, there was no noise so, yeah...
One of those songs came on you just have to dance to. Unfortunately other people did not agree...
An unexpected advert popped up and I may or may not have snorted. Before I could take a picture it disappeared so I stood, and waited...now this man thinks I want his sandwich
For some unknown reason I went in to some giant pound shop type place. Only the reason is known. I like shit. And this place had so much cool shit! Look...dog advent calendars!!
Magnet paper!
Unfortunately my shoe has decided it likes socks and as I am not wearing them it is rebelling and attacking me. Ouch. OK. I get the point.
Worse than that, I've just seen my reflection.
You know when you are having a bit of a tragic day, what don't you want to happen?
How about one of those sales people approaching you when you are the worst at saying no and pretty much get signed up for anything and everything?
Yeah, that happened.
I saw the impending doom as he approached but I could not find any words.
Literally. None. I was mute, I just nodded my head.
Then a miracle happened. He was with shell!
Oooo, I'm with shell!!
I exclaimed, super duper happy with myself.
Turns out the guy was called Alex, not Alan as I was going to call him, and he was lovely and he could save me so much money on my shitty Internet so, yay!
And not so yay cos I'm tied in to crappy Internet for a bit longer.
I have decided to cheer myself up and treat myself to sparkly socks.
Feets are not for public consumption so I am off to hide in the toilet to put them on.
As I am slimming worlding I decide to take the stairs.
As I am live blogging I decide to take a picture of the stairs.
As I am not wearing socks my feet decide to attack some more and cause pain. They were not at all happy....
The garage have rung. CeeCee isn't going to be ready until 3.
That is more than 3 hours away.
Its is 3 hours and 32 minutes away if we want to be precise.
What on earth am I going to do with myself for 3 hours and 32 minutes?!
Also, I have just had to face myself in the mirror. It was not good. Not good at all.
I really should have looked for a top. I could have looked human like. Now, there's a thought....
When you receive this from your number 1 fans and feel the love!
I got talking to a random lady.
I do that.
I have decided to call her Susan. Susan is an organised person and has done most of her Christmas shopping, she is just buying the last bits. She has 4 children. Bethany has her birthday in 5 weeks.
I tried to be a big girl like Susan and buy a Christmas present. I failed.
Don't be like me.
Be like Susan.
Barbara and Bert think the perfume shop should be shut down. I don't know why as they wandered off out of ear shout, how rude, but I quite like the smell. It's a nice change to the smell of weed you normally find in Bradford.
Side note; look at me, Bradford bashing! I've become a true Brafordian! Just don't tell anyone...
I have done something more weird than what is weird for me....
Ok. Don't judge..
I was walking along and Tracey is shouting, very loudly, at her daughter Samantha.
Apparently she can carry her own damn bags and tidy her shit hole of a room when she gets home. Tracey has already tidied it 4 times and is not doing it again.
Samantha does not agree....
Well, I wanted to see where this was going so....
I may or may not have made a slight detour and....
Walked down the same road.
Well... There's no law against it...I don't think....
Samantha thinks as it is her room she can do what she bloody well wants with it (well, she didn't use those words but let's attempt at keeping it a little polite shall we?) And if she wants to live in a shit hole she will! AND "you're not the boss of me!"
Tracey was not happy....
"I did not rip my fanny open and get 10 stitches to end up with a gob shite like you"
I shit you not. This happened in the real world and not TV land.
So I magically ended up at my favourite place with a peppermint tea, at my favourite table to recover!
I have some shockingly bad news.. my phone, she is on low battery!! And...I'm still waiting on a call from the garage about CeeCee so....no more live blogging! The horror!!
Well, that happened and it was very sad for all involved, namely, me.
But in a shock turn of events two things happened;
I decided to go 'old skool' and blog the old fashioned way...if the old fashioned way was to write my updates on a napkin that is....
I've had people, real live people with lives and everything message me asking about what happened to the rest of my day and if CeeCee is OK. Seriously. You Chumlins are the sweetest. And real, who knew!
So, here goes....
Something utterly joyous and amazing happened!!
Nat. THEE Nat. My Nat. She just appeared!! I looked out of the window and there she was. And then, there she was walking in to join me at the Cake 'ole. Surprise!! Which was very good indeed as from the moment I saw her outside I had a big goofy grin on my face and looked a bit deranged.
Did you know that it is hard to tell someone about your day when they have been reading your live blog. So instead I talked about how I was 'down with the kids'.
Let me explain.
I had a socially distanced all rules followed and all that jazz surprise birthday party with my panto fam this week and they are all, ahem, younger than me. Not by miles I might add, lets just get that in there. Anyhow, they are talking about their converse and how they love there converse and other converse type conversations...
Soo...
And don't judge...
I asked what converse looked like....
Ahem.
Oooooo, I have some of them! They are Guess one's I exclaimed. All happy to be down and out with the kidz.
Yeah....
Turns out that is not true.
Converse are a make not a style. Who knew.
Me. Clearly.
I am eating the most divine carrot cake to have ever existed in the world. Ever.
Apparently sex like noises are not appropriate in a public place.
But
I disagree
This cake deserves sex.
Well, not actually sex, that would be weird, but you get what I mean!!
Nat is the worst person at dates ever in the world of ever.
Ever.
Last time we were in town she made me get a covid test.
This time...
This time!!
She is making me have a flu jab.
I have a needle phobia.
But she saw this sign and now here I am sat waiting for a ginormous needle of death to attack my arm with it's evilness.
Look, I have not even edited the picture even a little bit, because it does not deserve it.
Turns out I am a real live grown up adult type person now. Who knew?!
I have had my flu jab.
I didn't even cry.
To be honest, I didn't even feel it. So...yeah....
Here is the proof...
Also, I decided to be lovely and edit the picture that actually did nothing wrong at all and was just hanging there, chilling, trying to save the world a little at a time.
Carrying on from my erm, shoe...mix up. Let's call it a mix up... Nat has taken me for a shoe lesson...
Also, all the staff are wearing face masks in their chins. Shame on you!!
It is finally time to go and pick up CeeCee.
On my way Alex, not Mark which I wrote in my notes, recognised me. Nat looked at me.
I made some friends on my travels
I said.
I think I sounded cool.
Nat's face indicates she does not agree.
So, have left Nat to do the boy parenting thing after my tragic attempt at it earlier that I completely forgot to update about, I knew I forgot something...
Side note, kind of; I tried to buy rugby stuff at sports direct earlier. I showed them the picture of the top I needed and off we went.
Apparently when asked what size you need saying they are very tall and ginger is not an appropriate answer. Who knew.
I then asked for...and I quote because I quoted from the message the ginger sent me...
And some small mans sport shorts like Nike
Do you know how many of those things exist in the world?!
Approximately 10 billion different styles, makes and colours....
I left....
Anyhoo, back to collecting CeeCee.
Did you know that squeaky shoes make you sound like a serial killer.
I know this as fact as the women with a pushchair walking in front of me kept turning around and looking at me just as you would a deadly serial killer.
I did not like being a serial killer so I decided to take a little detour.
Turns out it was a bit naff as I ended up right behind her again.
She definitely thinks I'm a serial killer now.
Great.
I swear I do not try to be a tragic person.
Honestly.
I got to the garage and walked past the service bit and by the spaces that I dropped CeeCee off at earlier but could not spot her.
In I go inside to follow the masses of arrows, a little like the yellow brick Road. Only they are not yellow.
Or brick.
Or road like.
And skipping along them singing does not ended with little munchkins celebrating you but worker peoples giving you strange looks, hands hovering over their phones ready to call for back up.
I am told CeeCee is in the same space area I left her.
I assured them she was not.
They walked me out.
I was wrong.
Oops...
Also CeeCee has made a friend while I've been gone as the big white van next to her clearly wants to marry her, or have his wicked way with her. Either way getting in her was not easy. Oo er.
Oh thank lordy lordy lord, I am home and I feel really rather chuffing exhausted.
I am deciding between a bath or a little nap when I am reminded....
I have slimming world tonight.
Bollocks.
I am sent for a shower with the beautiful encouraging note of...
It'll take some time to sort all that out
With a little hand gesture over all that is me.
Marvellous.
Thanks.
Feeling the love.
Would you like to know what song YouTube music decided to play for my shower?
Would you?
The Best Day of my Life by American Authors.
The sarcy bitch.
But it is a chuffing good song....
I am sure at this point you are rather keen to know how my day ended.
I went to slimming world....
I put half a pound on.
Half a chuffing pound on.
I was not happy.
I also felt sick.
The car told me I had zero miles left
My road was closed
I took a wrong turn and ended up being stuck the wrong way on a one way street.
The fact that I did not break down and cry there and then was a miracle in itself.
I finally made it home and.....
Threw up.
Marvellous.
But fear not little Chumlins! For I will not end our little adventure there!!
I am already starting to feel better and the ginger has brought me some toast, made just the way I like it, to give me the energy to finish my little live blogging adventure.
I have made a full on commitment to live blogging and finished the entire thing on my phone even though Chromie is sat right next to me wondering what is going on.
And honestly, I thank you wonderful Chumlins for keeping me company yesterday and making my weird little day quite a bit of fun
TPFN,
Kyra x
PS, they really were noisey!!
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