A Fuck My Life Morning

As if it isn't bad enough that it's World Book Day.

Actually, to be fair, Boo has been fairly chilled and is quite happy with his Greg Heffley (Diary of a Wimpy Kid) costume. And I use the word costume very very loosely...

Behold, Greg... Look at the creative genius...not

So, here is how to school run should go...

• Everyone is up, fed and ready to go for 8am

• Leave house and arrive at school drop off #1 for 8.10am (start time 8.20am)

• A pleasant drive down the lane through the countryside to drop off #2 for 8.20am (start time 8.30am)

• Back up the winding lane and through the quaint village to drop off #3 (start time 8.45am)

• Arrive outside school #3 for 8.30am

• Natter and games in the car while we wait

• Half walk, half skip in to school to drop of 5th and final child.

I bloody wish!!

• Do the wake up rounds at least twice, there is always one who falls back asleep

• Quickly get dressed and bask in the glory of putting on clean, matching socks

• Come downstairs to get breakfast ready

• There is either no milk, no cereal, or no either of them - how?! There was loads last night

• Send one child to the shop

• Two go and come back with the most expensive cereal in the shop

• Children eat cereal, somehow get it all over the table and at least one gets it down brand new clean and ironed uniform

• Tell cereal uniform child to change in to another clean uniform

• Shout that you are leaving in 5 minutes to any child who hasn't actually come downstairs yet

• One child can't find a pair of matching socks, despite confirming last night that they had everything ready, yes everything, including socks and underwear

• Attempt at finding a pair of socks, give up as you've no time and take off your glory socks and give them to child

• Put on one fluffy pink sock and one green stripey trainer sock

• Don't notice until you are leaving the house that cereal uniform child has put on the most creased uniform you have ever seen in your life

• Quick debate as to whether to get them to once again change, iron or just leave the house in shame pretending you haven't seen (i'll leave my decision to your imagination!)

• Someone has lost their shoes

• Someone can't find where they put their coat

• How can you loose a bright red book bag?!

• Somehow by some small miracle you are leaving the house by 7.50am

• Car arguments start before actually getting in the car...

• "SOMEONE JUST GET IN THE BACK OF THE CAR OR YOU'RE WALKING!"

Side note, back as in it's a 7 seater car, not as in the boot

• In to the car and start reversing...

• Why is the front door wide open?!

• Fairly quiet drive to drop off #1 with minimal traffic, result.

• Goodbye, have a nice day, have fun, learn lots, enjoy, love you

• "You've left the car doors open!"

• Breathe

• Off down the pleasant lane to drop off #2

• What the actual fuck?!

• Traffic. So much actual traffic. More than normal, lots more.

• Sit in traffic getting more and more stressed that you are, once again, going to be late because of traffic

This is about 1% of it! Taken by child, not me.

• Stress and mutter

• Look at map for alternate route, knowing full well this is the only road.

• Feel blood boiling, more stress.

• Eventually get to school #2, after the 5-10 minute drive took a staggering 35 minutes

• "Goodbye, have a nice day, have fun, learn lots, enjoy, love you"

• Turn around ready for final drop off, you've 10 minutes to get back, that's enough time

• Wrong!

• Roadworks are backing everywhere up and no one has the sense to use both lanes but instead sits in the middle not allowing anyone to turn bloody right!

• Arrive at school #3 late, but people are still walking about so not too late.

• There is literally no where to park, at all.

• Pull up outside school and throw your final child out, not literally, obviously! We still have kisses and cuddles

• "Goodbye, have a nice day, have fun, learn lots, enjoy, love you"

• Have a brief smiling moment seeing all the cute costumes

• Cars, everywhere, cannot move, why can't people park sensibly?

• "You could fit a bus through there love!!"

• Eventually arrive home 9.15am and decide that despite running way behind time you are going to treat yourself to one of your amazing frothy cinnamon lattes before getting ready for work.

• Give yourself an extra sprinkle of cinnamon, you've earned it

• The bloody batteries on the frother aren't working.

• There are literally no bloody batteries in this sodding house!

• Froth by hand, pissed off

• Obviously add pissed off in to coffee as it is a shockingly bad coffee

• Wish you could just go back to bed!

• Write it all down in a blog as you just couldn't make this shit up!

Yup, pretty much every day...

Hell, and it's only 9.30am!

TPFN - Toodle Pip For Now

Kyra x

PS. The fucking clock has stopped working and now I'm really late!

PPS. The shower was freezing and I got shampoo in my eye