Honestly, where do I even begin with this completely weird and random blog idea?
Well, I think sometimes you just have to start typing your random little brain down and hope for the best, so that's what we are going to do my little Chumlins! How exciting...!
Today, I braved going to the tip...
Woah, hold your horses and bare with, it isn't as bleugh as it sounds! Have trust...have I ever let you down before? No. Exactly. I'll be honest with you, when I go to the tip I generally leave with my blood literally boiling out of every orifice....Oooohhh, don't even get me started. I can feel my teeth gritting away at the very thought!
Forgetting all the nerve brain popping feelings of the past, I was genuinely, erm, well, excited when the tip reopened (thrilling life or what?!). Well, we've been trying to rearrange, organised and generally get rid of all the shit I may have been hoarding for the last 100 years, but it was quite hard with nowhere to put it and I don't always have the same mindset so can end up changing my mind and sneaking to the bags and taking things out and hiding them like some deranged clothing addict.
However, lockdown has changed me, I have decided to be a real life grown up type.
No longer am I the hold on to shit type.
Gone are the days of keeping everything in case it is useful or because it is pretty, hell, I even threw shoes away people, shoes!
Where was I? Oh yes...
Car loaded with cardboard, wood and bits, off me and the Ginge head on our jolly little adventure to the tip. We are awesome organised types, well, it would seem so at the moment, I know, I'm as surprised as you, so the car was already loaded so we could head off for opening time.
We get there and Mr Tip Man comes to the window, and do you know what he said? What he actually said to me?!
"Have you got your permit?"
Well, the bloody cheek. My permit? Erm, well, no actually, I do not because, let's face it, I have practically lived here previously, we are a family of 7, bins in the real world do not allow for families of 7, even with the recycling bin, we still eat and create rubbish and things you know.... anyhooo....
I look all confused and bewildered
"Erm, well, no, I've never needed one before"
"No tip, no permit."
I shit you not.
"But, but, Mr Tip Man, sir, I have been here with all my glorious rubbish for you on so many occasions in the past and never have I needed a permit before you just take my rubbish willingly."
He is all stony faced and not taking any talking business;
"No tip, no permit. You'll have to apply for one."
Well, well, I could have burst in to a ball of tears and hysterics right there and then, but I am an awesome grown up type and held myself together so remarkably well even the, I don't know, someone who holds themselves together, would be very proud.
Do you know what I forgot to tell you?! Well, we weren't just going on an amazingly exciting adventure to the tip, were we, obviously, we were also popping off to pick up some furniture, and I was running late....
Well, what the bloody hell am I going to do now?! I am shooed off. I am pretty sure I am shooed off. I am in the way, they don't want me hanging around in the way so off I shooed to pull in just down the road. I am basically not even rubbish enough to be allowed in the tip, that's how shooed and discarded I was. The horror.
Pure and utter panic filled my soul as I saw life collapsing inwards...or possibly just the plan for the morning going horribly wrong. I ring Nat to explain the horror of what was happening in my life when I see Ms Tip Lady approaching. Oh marvellous, I am even too rubbish to park just down the road from the tip. I am to be shooed much further away from their presence.
Ms Tip Lady approaches the car and I roll the window down holding my breath for the further rejections when..... well, she was a lovely normal lovely type lady. She asked if I could find my permit in my car or if it was at home. I explained the horror of the wonderful furniture pick up and how my life was basically ruined and I was going to have to do many drives of shame with my rubbish in tow when she asked if I had any ID, anything with my address on in the car.
Hmmm, interesting....I think I get ya, wink wink...
The Ginge and I tear through the car like we are on that gameshow...ooo, what was it called? Fun house! Oh that's the one, I used to bloody love that, such fun, looking for ID. When, something rather splendid happened...we found an envelope, an unopened letter in fact, with name and address on, how bloody chuffin marvellous.
I waved it around with pure and utter excitement when I decided for some unknown reason to open the envelope, I have no idea why but it seemed a good idea at the time.
What was inside the envelope I hear you cry?! Well, erm, well....
It turned out it was a...erm...parking ticket...
Eek, well, this is a little embarrassing....
However, as I am a genius silver lining type rather than melt in to a puddle of embarrassment I declare;
"Well, look, this is perfect...it has my address, a picture of my car AND a picture of me driving it!"
Bloody genius me.
Even more wonderful, she appeared to get me, hell, I think she could quite easily be one of my Chumlins as she smiled and laughed and stuff AND.....
pulled out a permit from her pocket and told me to look after it.
Well, I couldn't hold my excitement at this ecstatic wonderfulnesss and had to refrain from leaping across the car to give her a big hug. Instead I went from a much more understated squeal of pure joy and
'Thankyouthankyouthankyou, you flipping marvellous life saving woman you".
She seemed very happy with that and sent me on my way.
Here I am in my happy little bubble, joy filling every part of my body and soul when....
Oh no! What if I get the wonderful lady in trouble? What if she gets sacked and looses her house and has to live in a box under a bridge with no food or water or..or....
That's when I realised I was at the gate...
Well, there's no turning back now, sorry lovely Ms Tip Lady, I promise to bring you sandwiches!
I wave my pass excitedly and Mr Tip Man, well, do you know... He said;
"I think you've chewed up some gum and made that"
With a big chuffin smile on his face! and waved me in. I think there might have been some cahooting afoot you know.
But I am literally beaming with joy as I thank all members of staff at the gate, all 5 of them, and wave my arm out of the window as if I am heading off on a long and exciting journey away from my family and friends for many months.
Once inside I met another wonderful human being who told me to pop my shoes in the bin over there and I wouldn't loose my space in the line as he wasn't letting anyone else in.
"Ooh, well, thank you muchly you wonderful specimen of a man, I appreciate that."
And off I tootled to the shoe and clothing bin. You know, I was in such a delightfully wonderful mood that I didn't even cry when I threw my shoes away, I didn't even try and save any, blimey! Then came the best bit, ever!! I got the the top tip bit and parked up in my little parking space box which was wonderfully next to the wood, of which I had a lot of in the car.
Don't you just love the sound in makes, throwing the wood in the the skip full of wood? So satisfying! I couldn't figure out where the general waste and other bins were so I asked another Mr Tip Man type and he said that everything goes in the two skips next to my car box.
"Wait, what, you mean to say that...these two are mine? I basically have my very own personal skips just for me?! Woah, that's so flipping cool!"
And off I skipped.
The Ginge tells me that I made the man's day as he looked all happy and had a little chuckle to himself.
I waved goodbye as I drove away, and then when I got to the top, to show my pure and utter appreciation and, like any good person should...I stopped gave them a lovely little pipping tune on my horn, flung my arm out of the window and waved it around like a crazy person and thanked them muchly and loudly, and continued half way down the street.
I have never, in my life been so happy after leaving the tip. I could skip. Skipping seems a happy exciting thing. I may have a little skip around the garden in celebration later. But first, to the furniture!
TPFN
Kyra x
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