This is not an apology

So, I kinda feel like I’m in one of those confessional booths….

“Forgive me, it has been…. way too long since my last blog. “

…..again.

But I’ll tell you what, I’m not going to apologise, because, quite honestly, that just gets boring.

Instead, I recorded a voice note and now I will transcribe that below in to bloggy format.

Here goes! (Buckle in, my speaking brain is even more chasotic than my typing brain! And in the spirit of that, I have done very little formatting! )

So this is just a warning that this is going to be a rather feral of feral blog post. In fact, this is actually a voice note where I am just chatty away in my empty car while I drive 

…..hands free, obviously! Calm down.

and I’m just gonna transcribe it and pop it on the blog, because well, why the devil not. My blogs are typed as I speak anyway. And, my blog my rules and all that jazz.

So yeah, I’m not apologising again, I am not going to say sorry for being inconsistent and shit.

I tell you what, shall I tell you a little secret. I’ll tell you a little secret. 

I’m not as confident as people think I am. People seem to think I have this  ballsy confidence, and it’s like, well, I don’t.  I’m just a girl who’s insecure and stuff, you know, just a normal person, although I don’t like the word normal, cos, ya know, boring.

But anyway, yeah, so I I’m not going to apologise for ghosting my blog again for a month or so, because Do you know what? I realised something….

So,  obviously with having ADHD or whatever else and, ya know, just being a flipping human being. good Gosh, you’ve got your own doubt, you’ve got your own insecurities, you’ve got being poorly, you’ve got your own life going wild at ya, and then you’ve got your brain going.  

“HaHa, I’m not gonna let you do anything you enjoy. I don’t think so missy jane!”

And you know, there’s a lot. There’s a lot in the real world, and then I thought, ohh, I’m not good enough to blog, what am I doing,  and you know, various things like that, but then I reminded myself, because sometimes my brain can be nice to me, I did not start a blog for millions of followers. I did not  start a blog to make trillions of pounds and gain, i dont know, world-renowned, fame, or whatever people start blog, (sorry, I do not know what  people start blogs for. )

Genuinely. I started to blog for my own enjoyment, for my own creativity and freedom to expeirment, because somehow blogging felt more creative than writing in my journal and gave me a sense of…soemthing. Grounding maybe when I feel a bit lost.

And I do think that it has  kind of helped me quite a lot.

So I do have various blog posts that I just need to tweak a bit because it it is a very fine balance between being open and  honest, and I do try to be as open and honest as possible. I don’t want to put my blog in a suit. I don’t want to pretend like life is hunky Dori all the time. But I also don’t wanna over share either, and so it’s that balance of knowing what to share and when to share it. So I have been writing and now I just need to kind of,  not edit as such, but just kind of proofread, go through decide what I like, decide what i dont

And just kind of get on with having fun with my blog and just, you know, what if it takes doing feral blog posts where I’m just talking in my car and then transcribing it later. if that’s what it takes for a little while, then that’s what it takes, because I enjoyed my blog. I love the joy of clicking publish. There’s just something about it, whether anyone reads it or not, there is something about it. And so maybe my brain is being a bit of a knob head when it comes to writing at the moment, because, ya know, my brain’s still got a flipping squirrel in it, going 10000 miles an hour. So maybe it’ll give me some speech instead. There’s always a way around things.  You just gotta think outside the box, or outside the keyboard (ok ok, terrible joke, awful in fact. Is it even a joke?)

So this is not an apology, this is not a comeback. This is not a “this is what I’m going to offer you from now on”. This is just me being real and saying this blog is for me. And if you want to come on the journey cool, let’s do it, but there’s gonna be sidequests, we’re gonna get lost, and sometimes we’re just gonna have to lie down for a nap or we’re gonna get distracted, and that’s okay, because friggin hell lifes something so let’s just find our own little joy. Shall we

Toodle Pip Over and Out,