Attempts 1-17: When Your Experiment Works Too Well (And Then You Nearly Die)
- Kyra Marie
- Mar 3
- 11 min read
So this attempts thing…
It appears to be working a little too well.
I keep being accepted for the things I randomly do or apply for and, well, I can’t keep up. I just keep thinking ahhh, wtf, not another one! For example:
Well shit a brick and holy moly! I did it. I got it. I got the freaking job!! I am officially a Stage Door Keeper at Bradford Live!
Also…. I applied to be a model on a fashion catwalk show. Now I use the word ‘model’ lightly as they did ask for a variety of people, so I thought, feck it, this is my attempt era, why the devil not… I did model as a child, ya know, at like 3 years old!! (Then I apparently quit when I found out I needed to wear glasses as ‘models do not wear glasses’. Apparently still dramatic back then!)
Anyhoo, the attempt thing stalled a little bit on account of being hit by the worst bug I’ve had in a while, which I titled, and is now used by my friends;
an epic boss battle with death in the arena of bed.
This has meant no attempts, but also means that it is now Tuesday, I am a ‘model’ in a fashion show on Friday, and I am just about at the level of pants and a bra human not living in bed.
I also have a radio show on Sunday, and my voice is currently something from a monster lagoon that’s been smoking for 4000 years, so…. fun!
The Voice Note Disaster
Right, so about documenting these attempts while ill…
I tried. I really tried.
I thought, “I’ll just voice note my way through this. That’s what writers do when they’re dying, right? Dictate dramatically from their deathbed?”
What I did not account for: My voice was so monumentally fucked that the transcription AI thing attached to my voice recorder had what can only be described as a complete nervous breakdown.
Here are some actual transcription highlights:
“I hope that by picking this up something that comes to my brain but it’s not, but I knew I’m like, f** my poops.”*
“I don’t think I’m being dramatic saying that I’m in death star of arena battleness”
“The problem with being a writer is that you don’t really have a choice. When you’re squirrel, root decides to work if that squirrel’s on strike, then it’s like scrolls.”
“My brand is broke polite”
I mean… broke polite? AI, are you okay? Do you need a lie down?
Oh, and apparently, there were multiple speakers in my voice notes? According to the transcription, “Speaker 1” and “Speaker 2” were having conversations.
There were not multiple speakers, FYI.
It was just me, my croaky monster voice, and the AI trying desperately to make sense of what I can only assume sounded like gargled gravel with opinions, as I fell into delirium and the AI tried not to completely quit on me for good..
The point is: I have notes. They’re just written by an AI voice note transcriber that thinks I’m speaking in tongues while having a conversation with an imaginary second person about squirrels on strike.
Also, just for fun, some of the I don’t even know what I was trying to say notes:
“I’m sliding” → presumably “I’m ill/struggling”
“Parliament itches” → I beg your actual pardon?
“Death star of arena battleness” → Meh, close enough
“Scrolls girl, you riot, right” → AI having a breakdown
“Nice bend” → Literally not a clue but AI thinks it’s something to do with someone cleaning a bin
What I’ve Actually Done: The Quick Version
Right, let’s get you caught up on the 17 attempts I’ve done since announcing this ridiculous project on 31st January.
Spoiler: I’m really good at BRAVE attempts. I’m avoiding NORMAL entirely (what and why even is this category?). And the universe says YES to me a suspicious amount.
🎪 SILLY ATTEMPTS (The Fun Chaos)
#1: Drive a Forklift Asked my friend if I could drive one at his work. His boss said no. Friends response: “Boss is a dick.” Enough said. (Name redacted because we used the word ‘dick’) Outcome: Rejected in 2 hours (new record!)
#2: Alpaca Trek Applied immediately. Sold out in milliseconds. Outcome: Waiting list (because obviously, alpacas are cool)
#3: Free Greggs Coffee Used Monzo voucher. Walked in, figured out how to use a door (barely), didn’t sound like a complete idiot, got coffee. Coffee was nice. Outcome: SUCCESS (also filmed TikTok hiding somewhere in my phone)
#8: Drive a Tractor This one deserves its own section because LISTEN:
I randomly messaged Lynda asking if her mum had a tractor. She asked if I meant real or toy. I said real, OBVIOUSLY. Then I realised I’d given her zero context and then explained the whole attempts thing.
Her response?
“We have a tractor. Also a forklift. Also a quad bike. Want to ride a quad too? Oh, and we might have a motorbike actually.”
Shit my boots! My brain glitched with excitement. This was so unexpected, but it might actually be happening! I may be having a FOUR IN ONE.
Tractor + Forklift + Quad bike + Possibly motorbike = I could faint.
Outcome: YES (waiting for good weather)
🔥 BRAVE ATTEMPTS (Where I Apparently Excel)
#4: Published Blog Introducing The Experiment Put it out into the world. Done. Feels good. People have talked to me about it. Feels odd. Outcome: DONE (31st Jan)
#6: Applied for Job at Bradford Live Stage Door Keeper position. Applied 2nd Feb. Got interview 11th Feb.
Spoiler: I GOT THE JOB.
Like, actual job. With actual money. In an actual theatre. What even is this?
Outcome: EMPLOYED
#9: Fashion Show Catwalk Model Saw Fashion Fiesta were looking for models. Thought “feck it, this is my attempts era.”
Applied late at night with basically no information about what I was signing up for. Can’t remember what I told them or what photos I sent.
Oh yeah, and I’M ACCEPTED.
So Friday I’m modelling. In a fashion show. While currently at “pants and bra human” level of wellness.
Outcome: ACCEPTED (Show: 6th March)
#10: Sat on Audition PanelSaltaire Shakespeare. This may be a cheat attempt as i was asked earlier in the year to do this, but i still did a new thing, and made notes and smiled at people and tried to be firm but fair. And you know what? 1000 is a lot more than 100 so shut it Mavis, it stays in the total.
Also, I held a baby while on the panel. Feel like that needs a mention.
Outcome: DONE (7th Feb)
#11 & #12: The Panto ClosureAttempt #11: Went to watch final Wyke panto show (after leaving the group). Went. Survived. Glad. Attempt #12: Published a vulnerable blog about it all. Not scary exactly, but something. People can take written words wrong, and I didn’t want to offend anyone or seem dramatic, but publishing it felt like closing a chapter.
Outcome: DONE (both 8th & 9th Feb)
#13: BBC Writers Room Event Attended. Goal: Talk to 3 people.
This one needs its own section too because, well, take a look:
The BBC Thing: A Networking Masterclass (Sort Of)
So I went to the BBC Write Across Bradford launch thing at Pictureville (which I adore, it’s beautiful). Set myself a goal: talk to 3 people.
Networking Tip #1: When you’re at an event where everyone seems to be in little groups, find the other lonely person and invite them into yours. You look more confident than you actually flipping are, and they’re grateful someone spoke to them, probably.
I did this with Bex (my friend who actually writes scripts, unlike me who just… blogs into the void). We ended up standing around a bin talking to a filmmaker.
How the conversation started:
Me, looking at guy across the bin: “Nice bin.” Him: “Oh yeah.” Me: “Sorry, that’s how good I am at networking.” Him: “Yeah, me too.” Me: “Would you like to be bad at networking together?”
BOOM. Networking unlocked.
Turns out he’s a script writer who also films for a college and needs actors. He took my Instagram. I am potentially going to be in a film. Because I complimented a bin.
Then I got brave.
I walked over to one of the actual BBC writer people. You know, the ones with the lanyards that make them look official and terrifying.
Her: “Have you got any questions?” Me: “Oh shit. I don’t— I didn’t— Um. No. Well, the thing is, I’m not really a scriptwriter. I write blogs. At the moment I’m writing about my 1000 attempts thing and—” Her: “Oh wow!” Me: proceeds to waffle about how I’m just a human trying to figure out who I am now that I’m 38 and doing 1000 attempts Her: “That’s amazing! You should write about that!” Me: “I am writing about it.” Her: “No, write a SCRIPT about it.” Me: “But I keep getting accepted for things and—” Her: “That’s GREAT! Write about the fashion show!” Me: “But—” Her: “Submit it to us if you want, or just write it for you and for fun.”
So. Long story short.
I’m now writing a fucking script.
Outcome: DONE – talked to 3 people, got opportunities, accidentally committed to script writing
The Waiting Game
#14: Messaged Jordan North Sent Instagram DM to actual semi-famous radio person.
I felt like we could bond over being Northern and loving corned beef hash.
He didn’t even open it.
I feel like I’m being ignored by someone I know, which is rather amusing, especially when I listen to him on the radio talking to actual Loki. #RealityCheck
Outcome: No response (yet?)
#15 & #17: Submitted Writing Pitched my panto blog to HuffPost (12th Feb). How odd to send a pitch of my blog to an email address and have my chest go all “woo and ahh.”
Submitted my ADHD Hangover blog to The Mighty (also 12th Feb).
Both waiting for responses. I have amazing friends though – messaged the group chat about submitting like I am mental and Bex and Suze are so supportive of my craziness!
Outcome: WAITING
#16: Said Yes to Live Radio Friend Jenny asked if I’d be her guest on her BCB Radio show for International Women’s Day.
I said yes.
It’s this Sunday.
I need to pick 4 topics that make me “me” and linking songs.
The realisation hit me: I need to talk about… me. For an hour. LIVE.
Sure, I can talk about most things. But talking about myself? To the general public? On air?
Also….I have no filter!
Outcome: HAPPENING (8th March)
The Current Situation
Let me break this down:
31st January: Announced 1000 Attempts project 12th February: Had done 17 attempts 13th February – Now: Epic boss battle with death in arena of bed
Result:
I haven’t blogged properly
I haven’t documented fully
I haven’t been consistent (shocker – consistency is still bollocks)
But:
Friday (6th March): I’m walking in a fashion show
Sunday (8th March): I’m on live radio for an hour
Generally: I have a job in a theatre
Ongoing: Writing a script for BBC submission
So the project IS working. I’m just not keeping up with telling you about it.
The Pattern So Far
Looking at my spreadsheet (yes, I have a spreadsheet, of course i do, hush), here’s what I’ve learned:
Category Breakdown:
🎪 SILLY: 4 attempts (I like chaos)
🔥 BRAVE: 13 attempts (I’m apparently good at scary)
🧑💼 NORMAL: 0 attempts (I’m avoiding adult tasks entirely)
Outcomes:
Accepted/Success: 7
Rejected: 2
Waiting/Pending: 5
Completed: 3
Success rate: Way higher than expected
The realisation: The universe says YES to me more than I ever expected. Which is both validating and TERRIFYING because now I have to actually DO all these things which I did not take in to account at all.
What’s Next
I’m going to try not to die before Friday.
I’m going to walk on that catwalk even if I’m held together by Lemsip and spite.
I’m going to croak my way through radio on Sunday with my monster lagoon voice.
And then I’m going to write proper, detailed blogs about all of this.
Maybe.
If I have energy.
No promises.
Because consistency is bollocks, and this project survives my disappearing.
The Actual Point
I started this to figure out who I am outside of being “mum” and “disabled.”
Three weeks in, I’ve learned:
I’m someone who says yes to things that scare me
I’m someone who asks for ridiculous things (forklift, anyone?)
I’m someone who can network by complimenting bins
I’m someone who keeps going even when ill
I’m someone who gets accepted for things and then has a small panic about it
I’m becoming someone who tries anyway.
And, apparently, when you try anyway, sometimes things work.
Sometimes you get jobs. Sometimes you get to model. Sometimes you end up on the radio.
Sometimes you just collect data about what “no” feels like (spoiler: it’s fine).
Oh, Actually, Before We Get to the Recap…
I just did Attempt #18.
While I was sitting here writing this blog, catching you up on everything, a post randomly popped up at the top of my Facebook feed when I went to factcheck in my messages.
Kat Mak, looking for women with stories for her podcast. The real ones, not the polished versions.
And I just… replied. No thought. No planning. Just “Oh, this sounds like me” and typed:
“This sounds amazing, and the post just randomly popped up at the top of my feed when I came to send a message. I would love to connect. Life, as it often is, has had its challenges, especially the last few years. So I decided to take some control back and launch (posh word for ‘give it a go’) my 1000 Attempts project/experiment, where I just try the things, or at least try and do without the fear of being rejected or falling flat on my bum! (Could happen, I’m somehow in a fashion show on Friday!) I write a blog that is just me, talking, like to a friend, no toxic positivity, just about real ADHD, chronically ill, single mum trying life.”
Attempt #18: Applied to be on a podcastOutcome: Sent (literally just now)
See? The project works even when I’m not actively trying. Things just… appear. And I say yes.
Side note: well actually, I say ‘fook it, why the devil not’
This is either brilliant or I’m going to end up accidentally committed to 47 things I can’t remember agreeing to.
Probably both.
NOW, for the proper bloggy recap bit:
(Because apparently I’m a Real Blogger now with structured endings and everything. Who am I? What happened to chaotic voice notes? Oh well, here we go…)
If You’re New Here
I’m Kyra. I’m 38. Single mum of three. ADHD + POTS + general chaos energy.
I decided to try 1000 things to figure out who I am through DOING instead of thinking.
From the silly (drive a forklift) to the scary (submit my writing) to the mundane (things I’ve been avoiding for years).
I’m documenting it here. When I remember. When I’m not ill. When the transcription AI cooperates.
Follow along for:
Chaotic attempts
Honest failures
Surprise successes
Epic boss battles with death
Disappearing acts
Coming back anyway
Voice notes transcribed by an AI having a breakdown
Coming Soon (If I Survive)
Detailed blog about the fashion show (probably written from the floor)
Detailed blog about live radio (definitely written from the floor)
Maybe individual attempt blogs for the good ones
Probably more voice notes that make no sense
Definitely more attempts (when I can stand up)
But for now:
I’m at pants and bra human level.
The fashion show is Friday.
Radio is Sunday.
And I’m still here, still trying, still collecting evidence that I’m brave.
Even when my voice sounds like a monster lagoon and the AI thinks I’m speaking “broke polite.”
More soon. Probably. Maybe. We’ll see dear Chumlin,
TPFN
Kyra x
P.S. – If you see me on that catwalk Friday looking like I might collapse, know that I’m being held together by spite, Lemsip, and the sheer determination to not let an epic boss battle with death in the arena of bed stop me from being a “model.”
P.P.S. – The project survives my forgetting. The counter doesn’t reset. You can always come back. Even if you disappear for weeks because you nearly died. (I’m fine. Mostly.) P.P.P.S. – I’m throwing caution to the wind and using emojis again, even though someone, somewhere once said they look AI.
Comments